Radio Apple Fan Fic

Chapter 1

"Sign it."

Lucifer Morningstar stared unseeingly at the contract in front of him. Each ragged breath hurt and stung his lungs. Golden blood covered his right eye and dripped down that side of his face. Every shuddering breath forced a droplet to fall into his lap, staining his white linen pants an ugly shade of yellow.

"I assure you, Lucifer. This option is best for everyone; for Heaven, for Hell, and for your family."

Lifting his head at the mention of his family, Lucifer's gaze connected with Lilith's on his left. She was just a few feet away, but it felt like miles between them. She was as poised, beautiful, and radiant since the day he'd met her all those years ago in the Garden. Even when dozens of angelic spears were pointed and pressed against her body from just as many Exorcists, Lilith stood tall and proud.

"I don't understand your hesitation. What does it matter to you if Sinners are killed?"

Lucifer's good eye remained on Lilith. Their gazes communicated everything and nothing to one another in just a single, silent stare. She was his rock. She was his muse. She was the first person he'd fallen in love with. Lucifer knew he couldn't do this without her. Since being cast into Hell, they'd been together. They were a team.

Signing this contract would be the first chip in a crack Lucifer knew would destroy that team. They both knew it. Even Heaven knew it.

"Don't look at your wife. Look at me."

Lucifer's tired eye blinked before narrowing and moving to obey the command. He stared across the long Heaven Embassy's table, gaze landing on Archangel Auriel. The Angel was as subtly handsome with an aura of pure power as Lucifer had remembered Auriel from his Angel days. He had russet colored skin that seemed to blend into his flaming red and orange wings. The Angel's robes were made up of deep, earthy tones of citrine, rust, olive, and black. They clothed a tall body that was built like a bull with wide shoulders and defined arm muscles. Perfect locks of short, soft, brown curls adorned the Angel's head.

"The Sinners aren't your people. They are Lilith's," Auriel said, his tone deep, smooth, and always calm. "You don't like them. You don't trust them. That's why you only allow Hellborn to attend to you and your family."

"Some of them still don't deserve this fate," Lucifer said. His voice was the opposite of Auriel's. It was quite and shaky with pain and desperation.

"That's not for you to judge. Do you think their lives are worth more than your wife and child's?" Auriel asked. Lucifer's eye started to stray, but the Angel was quick to correct the behavior by ordered, "No. Keep your eyes on me. This conversation is between us. This is your decision, Lucifer. Yours alone. What are you willing to sacrifice? Your family? Or the Sinners?"

"I-. I can't. I can't make that decision," Lucifer said, his eye darting back to Lilith.

"Yes. You can. It's one or the other," Auriel said. "Either you sign the contract and approve of my terms to protect you and all Hellborn kind from our exterminations. Or you refuse to sign and we kill Lilith now, bring your daughter here, and kill her in front of you, too. It will set a fine example to all of Hell what happens when they try to rise up together against Heaven."

"These terms are insane!" Lucifer said. "And what's with all this fine print?"

"The details don't matter right now," Auriel said. Placing his fingertips together, the Angel said, "Look at it this way; what can you live without for the rest of your prideful, pointless, little life? Family? Or Sinners? Are you willing to sacrifice your family for the cause only your wife truly believes in? Or are you going to sacrifice the Sinners you practically created to save the only two people you love and trust?"

"Auriel, can't we-?"

"No. You have five seconds to make your decision. Five."

"Auriel, no! C'mon! I can't-!"

"Four."

"Sera! Please! For once in your life, help me!"

"Sign it, Lucifer. Just sign it."

"Three."

"Lilith! Say something!"

"Two."

"Shit!"

Lucifer quickly grabbed the pen floating next to the hovering, glowing contract. Gut twisting in a vile, poisonous regret, the Fallen Angel shakily signed his name in a rushed flourish. Both the long piece of paper and pen instantly vanished once his name was scrawled in ink. Lucifer took a few shuddering, raged breaths as it slowly sunk in what he'd done.

He'd chosen his family.

"Hm. Interesting choice," Auriel said.

Auriel silently watched as a white chain that glowed a russet red formed around his hands. Every gaze in the board room followed the chain as it formed and grew longer and longer. It snaked across the table top, coming straight for Lucifer. The former Angel pressed his lips together, pushing golden blood out of his eye with a gloved hand just in time to see the chain end by forming a solid collar around his neck.

"Everyone is dismissed," Auriel said. He tugged on the chain just enough to pull Lucifer out of his seat, gut hitting the edge of the table from the jerk. "Lucifer and I have some fine print to discuss."

***

Lucifer gasped awake, hands around his throat that could almost still feel the cold metal of the collar from his nightmare. He sat up in his bed, coughing like a baby with lung cancer. Soft, plush, lifeless eyes of all the pillow and stuffed ducks on his bed watched the King of Hell as he coughed so long and hard that he was sure he was going to throw up. When the expected vomit didn't happen, Lucifer groaned in pain and frowned unseeingly ahead. He didn't like being so rudely awoken. Especially by some awful memory nightmare.

It had only been a few weeks since he'd moved into the renovated Hazbin Hotel, but Lucifer's bedroom had turned into a spitting image of his former location. The room was small, the bed was big, and everything was themed like a red, silky big top circus. Every surface of the bed was covered in various sized yellow duck plush. Some had hats. Some had expressions. All of them had something about them that was different. Each of them Lucifer knew by name.

Lucifer collapsed backward, arms splayed out on either side of him. The biggest of plush ducks, the one the size of a bean bag chair, stared down at him. Lucifer stared back. The conversation between them that followed was silent and very one-sided.

"But I'm wide awake now, Fernando," Lucifer finally sighed aloud. "Fine. I'll get up. Some tea won't hurt."

Lucifer flopped, rolled, and grunted his way to the edge of the bed. After slipping into fuzzy duck slippers, Lucifer stood up and headed out to the hallway. There was no need for a change of clothes. His blue and white striped boxer shorts with rubber duckies on them combined with oversized white T-shirt would usually be too embarrassing to travel around the Hotel with, but it was so early in the morning that even Angel Dust was asleep after a night of drinking with Cherri.

The hallways were dark, but Lucifer didn't stumble due to having natural night vision. His red, bleary eyes glowed faintly while he padded through the many hallways and stairways to the ground floor of the Hotel. There was something almost peaceful about how quiet and calm the Hotel was at that hour. While his daughter adored the vibrant business of the bustling day, Lucifer preferred the quiet emptiness. It felt familiar. After so many years of being alone, Lucifer had gotten used to the loneliness.

Lucifer hesitated at the edge of the wet bar, a disgusted frown on his face. Any area that had Alastor's influence made Lucifer bristle. Two types of magic combining in jarring ways didn't sit right with the Fallen Angel. He'd rebuilt the whole structure of the new Hotel. Lucifer didn't understand how Alastor had the ability to change anything about the place, but he'd somehow added his radio station, a library, and the bar in the eerie, ethereal green and black hues his magic was known for. Alastor's magic always smelled like a swamp to Lucifer. He hated it.

"There has to be tea somewhere around here," Lucifer sighed to himself. He stepped behind the bar and began to rifle through all of Husk's bottles and glasses. Thankfully, everything was neat and tidy. Husk kept his bar immaculate despite obviously hating his job.

"What is this? Coffee? So close. I can smell it," Lucifer mumbled to himself as he continued his search of every nook and cranny of the cabinet he'd found the coffee grounds in.

"Are you lost, your Majesty?"

"Gah! Ah! Ow!" Lucifer shouted first in surprise and then in pain when he'd jerked his head up and slammed the back of it into the top of the cabinet. Sitting down on his butt, Lucifer rubbed the sore spot while fiercely glaring up at none other than Alastor. The Radio Demon was leaning languidly on his elbows, looking over the bar down at Lucifer with his usual big, smug smile that Lucifer downright loathed.

"Hm. Poignant," Alastor said with almost teasing hum to his voice.

"What are you doing here?" Lucifer asked.

"Answer my question first."

"What? About being lost? I built this place. I'm not lost," Lucifer said. "I'm just looking for something."

"I'm afraid Husker has retired for the evening. I'm sure he'll mix you whatever drink you're looking for in the morning," Alastor said.

"I can make it myself. It's just tea."

"Tea? Have you tried the refrigerator?"

"Why would I check there?"

"Is the King of Hell always this ornery just before dawn?"

"No!" Lucifer loudly snapped back.

"Mm," was Alastor's bland response that followed up with a shrug.

Lucifer stood up and wiped pretend dust off his slim, bare arms. He could feel Alastor's eyes on him as he walked over to the minifridge and opened it. Beside a few cans of soda and a clear, locked box with the energy drinks were stored and labeled for Nifty to stay out of was a glass pitcher full of iced tea.

"Oh."

"Indeed."

"I usually drink my tea hot. Wha-? What is this? Who drinks tea cold?"

"I do. Be a dear and pour me a glass?" Alastor asked. He shifted his position at the bar so that he was leaning his head in his palm propped up by the elbow. The smile never strayed from his face, but Lucifer could see that it had turned into a more tired and maybe even annoyed one.

"Fine."

Lucifer brought out two whisky glasses and poured himself and Alastor some iced tea. Alastor watched his movements like a bored house cat's eyes lazily following a bird from a window. It was hard to tell what Alastor was thinking and feeling. While Lucifer showed every ounce of emotion on his face, Alastor always put on that infuriating smile. Lucifer hated how much control Alastor had over his emotions. He hated how much it reminded Lucifer of his wife whenever they were out in public. Lilith was always a limpid, glassy surface of still water wherever they went. It was only when they were alone that Lucifer would later find out how under the surface she could be hurricane of emotions. It had taken time, dedication, trust, and love to understand all of Lilith's micro expressions. Lucifer didn't think he would ever have the patience or desire to unpack all of Alastor's smiles.

"You never answered my question," Lucifer said while setting the glass down in front of the Radio Demon.

"I'm afraid you put up such a fit about the tea that I forgot what you asked," Alastor said.

"What the shit?!"

"Excuse me?"

"How? How is this so good? It's cold!" Lucifer practically shouted while emphatically pointing at the glass he'd taken a sip out of.

"Hm. I see you've never tried sweet iced tea before." Alastor blinked in subtle surprise and maybe even a little revulsion as he watched Lucifer gulp down the rest of his glass of sweet tea, filled it up with more, and then chugged it empty like a college frat boy. As Lucifer tore into his third cup, Alastor sipped from his own glass before saying acridly, "Pace yourself, your Majesty."

"Don't tell me what to do," Lucifer said as he poured himself a fourth glass.

"What was your question?"

"My what now?"

"You said I never answered one of your questions," Alastor said, his emotion of agitation well known as his red deer ears flattened against his head.

"Oh. Yes. That. I asked what you were doing up so late," Lucifer answered. He hopped up onto the bar's countertop to happily nurse his glass of sugary tea. "Bad dream?"

"Heavens, no!" Alastor said with a laugh and wave of his free hand. "I don't sleep. Even when I did, I never had many dreams." When Lucifer did nothing but stare blankly back at the Demon, Alastor asked with a casual tease to his voice, "Why do you ask? Did you have a nightmare? I'm actually quite fascinated to know what you might dream about."

"Ha! No!" Lucifer said with a nervous smile and giggle. Wiggling his fingers at Alastor, he said, "Your little lies might work on my preciously naïve daughter, but I see through you. Everyone sleeps. Why even lie about that? Is it not cool for people to sleep anymore?"

"Same reason why you're lying about having a nightmare," Alastor said.

"Fine. Sure. I did have a nightmare," Lucifer said back with a mean sneer. "I had a dream that I'd gotten up this morning and looked in the mirror. Guess what I saw? Your face! Ha!" Lucifer laughed at his own brilliant joke while Alastor stared back at him, giggling to himself, "Oh, that was a good one. Walked right into it."

"I don't know why I bother," Alastor sighed.

"I don't know why either," Lucifer said, some residual chuckles making his slim shoulders bounce in his mirth. He sipped from his glass, pointing at Alastor as he said, "You made it clear since the first day I met you how much you don't like me."

"You assume too much."

"Oh?"

"Not everything is about you, your Highness," Alastor said. "Besides, things have changed since the Exorcist fight."

"Well, yes, but not anything between us."

"Really? I thought we've been awfully good at tolerating each other."

"True. I have been good at refraining from killing you," Lucifer chuckled. "I only tolerate you because of Charlie. I don't know what your motivation is."

"You're here full time now," Alastor said. "I tolerate you like everyone else who lives here at the Hotel. You showed up at the very last second, but I suppose that's better than never showing up at all. You sure did take your time, though. I heard it was right after my disappearance during the fight with Adam."

"What are you hinting at? That I waited until Adam took you down to join? Ha! Don't flatter yourself," Lucifer said. The grimace of a smile on his face displayed a true look of regret as the man said, "I was, uhhh...busy."

"Busy? Elaborate."

"Terms. Fine print. Annoying stipulations like that when I agreed to the Exorcist Day in the first place," Lucifer said. Alastor could tell the King of Hell was trying to sound casual about the subject, but a nervous edge was still hanging in the air around Lucifer.

"Your daughter made it sound like that meeting was simple and frivolous," Alastor said. "As if they asked to kill Sinners and you said yes."

"Charlie wasn't there."

"But you were. How did that meeting go?" Alastor asked.

"Why the sudden interest?" Lucifer snapped back after emptying his glass of tea. "What does it matter? The deal is done. I hardly think about it anymore. It was too long ago. Back when Charlie was a little kid. And it didn't concern me or her."

"Mm. Interesting choice of words."

"What is that supposed to mean? What word?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Alastor said with a blithe smile and wave of his free hand. "Don't worry you pretty, blonde head over it. Honestly, your Majesty, it's not good for your health to work yourself up this early in the morning."

"Hey! I'm not getting worked-!"

In the blink of an eye, both Alastor and Lucifer were summoned and transported to the Heaven Embassy. Alastor landed neatly upright while Lucifer landed on his butt with a sharp cry of surprise. Both wore identical collars with chains that snaked across the floor, leading all the way to the person that held the ends of them; Archangel Auriel.

Chapter 2

"Gentlemen," Auriel said with a respectful nod.

"A little warning would have been nice," Lucifer said with a sour frown. He got to his feet while dusting off his boxers.

"I did warn both of you."

"I think I was sleeping."

"Clearly. Is this...always what you wear when you sleep?" Auriel asked, hiding a mocking smile behind his fingers. "How adorable."

"Yes."

"Are you a child?"

"They're pajamas! They're meant to be comfortable!" Lucifer shouted back at the Angel, his whole face turning a deep red from embarrassment.

"Can we get to the reason why we've been summoned?" Alastor asked while inspecting his microphone cane like it was the only interesting thing in the room. "Some people here like to keep a schedule."

"Don't stand there with that pretend smile and act like you're above everyone in the room, Alastor," Auriel said with a chiding smile. "You must be a little interested in the King of Hell's predicament."

"Mm. No. I don't care," Alastor said with a shrug.

"Don't lie to me, Demon," Auriel said while yanking on Alastor's chain so that the Sinner stumbled forward a few steps. Alastor's ears flattened completely against his head, but that smile remained. "I know you have to be curious how, when, and why the King of Hell has signed a contract with the same Angel you signed on with."

"I like to keep my time with you short," Alastor practically growled back at the Archangel. His shadow was small and hiding safely under the man's long legs. "I'll have all the time in the world to ask him when our meeting is finished."

"Yeah. I have plenty of questions, too," Lucifer said while folding his arms over his chest.

"Alright. Business it is," Auriel said. He suddenly stood up from where he'd been sitting at the head of a conference table. Lucifer had to repress the urge to take a step back. "I have a task that I will need both of you to discreetly take care of. Together."

"Ha! Funny! Since when did Angels get a sense of humor?" Lucifer laughed. His chuckles echoed off the empty walls of the room before slowing to an awkward stop. "You know," Lucifer said with a hapless smile, "because it's him. I hate him. And I don't work with him."

"You do now," Auriel said.

"I'd rather work alone," Alastor said.

"Me too."

"Unfortunately, this task needs the both of you," Auriel said, slowly pulling both chains toward him. Alastor and Lucifer were forced to take steps closer to the Angel and each other as Auriel went on to say, "I need Alastor's discretion and Lucifer's raw power."

"Hey! I can be discreet!" Lucifer protested.

Lucifer grunted from a sudden jerk to his chain that threw him off balance. He stumbled into Alastor who did his best to catch the man to prevent the both of them from tumbling off their feet. By this time, the two were right in front of Auriel, their chains tangled with one another. The Angel towered over the two, practically pulling Lucifer off his feet. He gripped at the collar around his neck as he was forced onto his tiptoes.

"There is a Sinner down here that I need you to find," Auriel said, voice calm and even despite the clear discomfort his employees were experiencing. "The both of you are to locate him, capture him, and bring him back here to the Heaven Embassy. Nobody can know about this Sinner or your involvement. I don't care what you tell your little friends at the Hotel. This needs to be done today."

"Today?" both Alastor and Lucifer repeated at the same time.

"Today," Auriel said in a firm tone for emphasis. "This needs to be done quickly and quietly. If not, there will be consequences. Is this understood?"

Alastor and Lucifer shared a rare glance of concern with one another. They both knew the threat would be pinpointed at the Hazbin Hotel and the people in it. Lucifer didn't want anyone targeting his daughter and her Hotel. He'd promised to protect her. He'd do anything for Charlie. She was all he had left. But what was Alastor's motivation?

"Yeah. Got it."

"Understood."

"Excellent," Auriel said with a pleased, handsome smile. "Perhaps this little mission will be a good thing for the both of you prideful boys. It'll teach you how to work together. Hm. Such a novel thought. I don't know if the two of you are even capable of such emotions, but it will be fun to see how it goes."

"What does that even mean, Auriel?" Lucifer grumbled up at the Arch Angel. "I'm still part Angel. You act like I'm not capable of basic good emotions at all."

"You're not an Angel anymore," Auriel with a condescending chuckle.

"I still have Angel magic."

"That doesn't make you an Angel, Lucifer. I suppose coming to that conclusion requires too much brain power, and that's something you've never had," Auriel said. He shook his head, as if pitying the sad, short, stupid man.

Lucifer said nothing. He just furiously frowned back at Auriel. He didn't think that the Archangel was being truthful or even knew what he was talking about. One thing that Lucifer learned from his time in Heaven was that almost all Angels looked down on anything beneath them. And Lucifer was now definitely beneath Auriel. Secretly, though, the seeds of doubt had been sowed. They'd been taking root and slowly growing since Lucifer's banishment from Heaven, but those feelings had only gotten stronger since Charlie started up her Hotel.

"Are we finished?" Alastor asked. "I'm assuming you have a document with details for us and a 24 hour deadline."

"That's correct. You know how these missions go," Auriel said, smiling serenely as he handed Alastor a folder of golden colored papers. "Feel free to catch Lucifer up."

"Catch me up on what?" Lucifer asked.

"Patience, Lucifer," Auriel said. He gave a gentle, handsome laugh before saying, "You really haven't changed in all these years."

"You haven't, either, you know?" Lucifer shot back.

"Why change perfection?" Auriel asked. He let out a sharp laugh when he noticed the unfiltered look of disgust and annoyance on Lucifer's face. "I'll let you two discuss your own plan. I'll see you boys later. Hopefully very soon."

A portal to Heaven appeared beside Auriel from just a wave of his hand. Lucifer's eyes were glued to the opening. Just a step away was his home. He'd lost track of how many years it had been since he'd stepped foot into Heaven. The man had given up all hope that he'd ever return. But there was something about seeing and feeling it being so close and tangible put a bitter ache of homesickness in his heart.

Auriel stepped through the portal, and just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. The brightly lit conference room plunged into a stiff awkward silence. Lucifer put a hand on his hip while the other busied itself by scratching his neck. Alastor's shadow stretched out to its full length while the Sinner himself flipped through the folder Auriel had given him.

"Wait," Lucifer said while looking around the empty room. "He didn't send us back to the Hotel!"

"Seems so," Alastor said, not looking up from the folder.

"He did that on purpose! I'm not properly dressed for any stupid mission he wants us on right now!"

"Does the name Abel mean anything to you?"

"What?"

"Hm?"

"Adam and Eve's kid? The one that got - cweak - by his brother?" Lucifer asked, mimicking a dead face before letting out a nervous laugh. "What was it for again? It's been so long. I don't remember. Why? Why are we talking about him?"

"He's our target."

Chapter 3

"This is stupid."

"You're going to have to be a little bit more specific, Your Highness," Alastor drawled from his side of the booth.

The man was sitting prim and properly while nursing a steaming cup of coffee. The Waffle House of Hell was open 24/7 and staffed by a single Imp server and a Sinner cook at this time so early in the morning. Like the chain it was named after in the human realm, the establishment was crawling with bugs and smelled of grease, smoke, and farts. Beside Alastor sat his shadow that looked bored and exhausted slumped against the filthy cushion that looked like multiple children had taken bites out of it. Lucifer, still in his pajamas, was lying on his back on the opposite side of the booth, the file Auriel had given them opened up above him. An empty glass of chocolate milk was collecting condensation on his side of the table.

"This entire mission. What did you think I meant?"

"I don't know," Alastor sighed. "I don't know if I made it clear enough for you, but I'm in no mood to argue with you. Let's discuss a plan and move on."

Lucifer sat up on an elbow, peeking his head over the edge of the table as he asked, "When did you get signed on with Auriel, anyway?"

"Not that long ago. A decade ago, perhaps," Alastor said after a long sip from his mug. "What about you?"

"Since the start of the Exterminations," Lucifer answered. He grinned to himself, as if realizing something before saying, "Oh, hey! I haven't been able to say that since the start."

"Mmm. Silencing clauses. Mine has a few of those, too," Alastor said.

"But we can talk to each other! The clauses are for people outside of Auriel's influence!" Lucifer said as he slapped the mission folder down on the table and forced himself up into a sitting position.

"Or they were amended for this mission and this mission only," Alastor said.

"Why are you so calm about this? How many of these types of missions have you done for Auriel?"

"Many."

"But weren't you gone for 7 years? What were you doing then? Were you on another mission?"

"No."

"Then what were you doing?"

"If everything goes according to plan, you won't ever have to know."

"Because that didn't sound mysterious or ominous at all," Lucifer grumbled sarcastically.

A tray of food seemed to suddenly appear beside the table. The tiny Imp waitress was so small that nobody could see her under the tray she had lifted above her head. Lucifer grabbed his plate of pancakes while Alastor took his plate of bacon. The slices of meat were barely cooked to the point that they looked raw. While Lucifer smothered his pancakes like a soldier trying to waterboard a terrorist with syrup, Alastor took his time slicing his limp, gooey bacon with a knife and fork. His shadow crawled under the booth to smile menacingly at the Imp server, making her squeak in fear before running off.

The two tucked into their breakfasts, silently chewing and enjoying their favorite flavors of sweet and salty. Lucifer was well into his tower of sticky, sopping wet meal when he used his fork to point at Alastor. The Sinner raised an eyebrow as he chewed, not surprised in the least bit when Lucifer didn't take the time to swallow before speaking.

"So how are we finding this guy?" Lucifer asked, cheeks filled with food like a greedy hamster.

"I've already sent some feelers out to pinpoint his location," Alastor said. "All my leads have narrowed it down to a single area."

"And?"

"And," Alastor said after a long, exasperated sigh that he still smiled right on through, "I believe he is at one of your establishments. Lulu Land."

"Really?"

"Unfortunately, that is correct," Alastor said, one of his ears twitching as his only outward display of his revulsion to even saying the words Lulu Land.

"How is that unfortunate?" Lucifer said, grinning like a lunatic. "This is the best news we've gotten all day! I built and designed every inch of Lulu Land. If he's there, we'll capture him within minutes. We could be done with this mission before lunch time."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Alastor said. "We don't know what our target is capable of."

"He's a Sinner. He's in my domain and in my park. Soon as I see him, capturing the kid will be a snap of my fingers," Lucifer confidently said, snapping his fingers for emphasis.

"Perhaps," Alastor said after another bite from his bacon.

"What? You don't believe me?"

"I never said that. I just know these missions are never as easy as they first appear," Alastor said. "Have you even considered why Abel is here after so long? Why would he come to Hell after spending his whole afterlife being in Heaven?"

"Ugh. You sound like my wife," Lucifer groaned while wilting against the booth cushion. "Always going on and on about politics and rules and questioning everything. Look, I've done this already. I lost. Auriel and Heaven won. Now I'm passing the baton to Charlie and hoping for the best. Trust me, the more questions you ask, the deeper trouble you get in when it comes down to this stuff."

"Don't ever compare me to your wife."

"No, it's true! You and Charlie and even Lilith doesn't know Heaven like how I do," Lucifer said, wiggling his fork in Alastor's face. "Soon as you start to question anything and they get the faintest sniff that you might be breaking a rule, they will do everything in their power to crush you. Why do you even care about any of this? I thought you supported the Hotel for fun and to laugh at everyone. You didn't question Heaven then. Why question it now?"

Alastor took the end of Lucifer's fork into his fingers and lowered it onto the tabletop as he stated, "Because we have proof now that Sinners can be redeemed."

"So?"

"I spent my entire life and afterlife believing the opposite. I was...wrong. This begs the question; what else might I be wrong about?" Alastor said.

Lucifer frowned and said nothing as he stared back at Alastor and took his words into consideration. Alastor was a Sinner that had fully embraced the evil inside himself and let it engulf him while he lived and after he died. He probably threw himself into it because he didn't think there was a chance of turning back. Why waste time second guessing when he could race to the top and gain the power he so desperately wanted? It was probably a big blow to his worldview if he now saw that there had been a chance this whole time that he had just refused to see out of stubbornness and pride.

"Look," Lucifer said quietly as he slid his fork out of Alastor's grip and stared down at his tower of half eaten pancakes, "Everyone is wrong about something one way or another. Let's just...leave all the questioning to Charlie for now. We have our orders. Let's just get this done and contemplate the ramifications later when everyone is safe. Deal?"

"Hm. You're surprisingly good at compartmentalizing. And here I was all this time thinking you were just avoiding the subject entirely," Alastor said, his obnoxious grin only growing in a more teasing fashion. "Brushing everything under the rug, as they say."

"Don't mention that saying around Nifty. It will make her cry," Lucifer said.

"And there's the deflection," Alastor said.

"What-? What is this? What are you? My psychologist?" Lucifer asked.

"No. I'm not your wife."

Lucifer guffawed in amusement before realizing who's joke he was laughing at. Clearing his throat as his chuckles died down, Lucifer returned his attention to his breakfast. As he cut another chunk for himself, he mumbled, "It wasn't that funny."

"It was."

"Nope."

"You laughed."

"It was a pity laugh."

"I've heard your pity laughs. That wasn't one of them."

"Oh, now you're monitoring and categorizing my laughs? Sounds like you're a stalker."

"Maybe."

"Um. Sirs? R-Ready for your check?" the Imp server asked in a wavering voice.

The two men glaring heatedly at each other from across the table turned their narrowed eyes onto the Imp. She was only two feet tall and looked ready to cry under such powerfully dangerous glowers. Even the Sinner cook was cowering in the food window, staring with trepidation at the restaurant's only two guests who looked ready to slaughter his fellow employee.

"Checks," Alastor corrected.

"Check. C'mon, Mr. Stalker. Lulu Land opens in two hours. I want to get in and get out before the morning crowd arrives," Lucifer said as he snapped his fingers and money appeared on the table. It was entirely too much for what they'd ordered, but Lucifer didn't care. The concept of money always baffled him. To avoid looking like an idiot, he always overpaid. He'd rather look generously wealthy than stupid.

"That's the most sensible thing you've said all day," Alastor said as he and his shadow slid out of the booth beside Lucifer.

Chapter 4

"What were you saying about getting here before the crowd?"

"Heaven help me," Lucifer panted as he placed his hands on his knees to catch his breath. Alastor leaned against the door to the security room they'd had to run to. "The sun isn't even up yet! Why were there so many Sinners there?"

"I thought you liked audiences, your Majesty," Alastor said with an acrid grin.

"Nobody wants to be the star of the show when they're dressed in nothing but their pajamas."

"Eh. I'm sure Angel Dust would beg to differ."

Lucifer surprised the both of them by laughing at the joke while glancing up at the Radio Demon with a grin. The dry humor was something that Lilith would say, and Lucifer couldn't help but see the dark humor in it all. The entire situation was messed up that they were in. Lucifer was a strong believer in either laughing or crying when things got hard. He always chose to laugh.

"Quick thinking with the coat thing. I'm sure we'd still be running from fans if it wasn't for that," Lucifer said, pointing at Alastor's red and black coat that was draped over his head and shoulders to hide his identity from the dozens of Lulu Land's early birds who had spotted the King of Hell while waiting in line for a ticket. "Smells different, though. Not like your magic. It's like...cinnamon?"

"Oh, that would be Nifty."

"Nifty smells like bleach and lemons."

"How do you know what she smells like?"

"I help her dust the high ceilings and chandelier every day," Lucifer said. "I fly her up there because we don't have a tall enough ladder. And I wouldn't trust her with one even if we had one."

"Nifty had a bad dream that rats infested the Hotel. She puts rat poison in my closet now to make sure none of them eat my clothes," Alastor said after a quiet pause where he lifted a single, curious eyebrow.

Lucifer looked up at Alastor, his face scrunched up in pure, utter confusion.

"Rat poison smells like cinnamon."

"Oh. Oh! Well, that's sweet of her?"

"It is, isn't it?" Alastor said with a superior smile as he pushed himself off the door and strode confidently into the room. His shadow stayed close to him but still ventured out to inspect the array of live security footage of the park displayed on hundreds of video screens.

"I hate this room," Lucifer grumbled as he joined Alastor at one of the walls covered in tiny TVs showing a dark and silent amusement park. There were a few workers walking about as they cleaned and prepped for opening, but it was all very still and boring. Lucifer let Alastor's coat hang off his shoulders as his eyes darted to specific screens he knew would be the best hiding spots for someone trying to avoid unwanted eyes.

"Why? Do you have a dislike for television?" Alastor asked, his gaze lazily scanning the screens.

"No. I mean, I'm not a fan of TV, but I hate this room because it takes away from the magic this place is supposed to instill in Sinners," Lucifer explained.

"Exposes what is supposed to be secret," Alastor said. "That's an understandable reason for hating this room."

"Yeah?" Lucifer said absentmindedly. He suddenly tapped on a screen, a big, greedy grin coming over his face as he crowed, "Aha! There! Got you, kid! Someone is in this room. Nobody should be in that room."

"And where is that?" Alastor asked as he came closer for a look at the screen. On the screen was a small, white room with nothing but a neon sign that kept flickering congratulations in big, cursive, red, and golden letters. In a corner was a makeshift bed made of towels. A lump in the vague shape of a person was sleeping on the bed with heaps of empty chip bags and water bottles littered on the ground.

"It's the victory lobby for the House of Horrors," Lucifer said.

Lucifer's inane smile of victory faded as he obviously thought of something. A short pause of silence floated between the Radio Demon and the King of Hell as they frowned at the tiny figure still sleeping soundly in the corner of the lobby.

"Out with it."

"Hm? What?"

"You're thinking about something that makes this mission more difficult, aren't you?"

"Fine," Lucifer sighed with a defeated, disgruntled sag of his shoulders. "There's no back way into that room. I magically made it that way. You have to go through the Trials of Truth to get there. It's the only way."

"Elaborate."

"We're going to have to go through the trials to get into the room Abel is in," Lucifer said. "And the trials are...exposing?"

"Like this room. I can see why that's a problem." Alastor signed while rubbing his aching head with the end of his cane. "Why would you make it this way? What is wrong with you?"

"It's a House of Horrors!" Lucifer heatedly snapped back. "The truth can be horrific to Sinners! It's true terror at times! That's why it's brilliant!"

"It's stupid. You didn't put in any back door? Nothing at all? How do the staff clean it?"

"They don't. I thought it would be more horrific that way. Makes it more real. More carnal."

"Fuck me."

"I'd rather not," Lucifer said with a confused frown. He headed for the door to the room as he grumbled, "This isn't the time to get horny, Bambi. C'mon. If you're too scared of the truth, then I'll do it myself."

Alastor shared a look with his shadow. The dark mass gave a shrug. Alastor signed before following after Lucifer.